maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
