You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
