WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize