what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
