She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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