Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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