Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
