The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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