hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
