Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
