i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
