U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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