Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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