i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
