the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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