I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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