The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
