Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
