It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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