addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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