she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
