I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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