First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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