It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize