it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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