thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
