the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
