We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize