brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
