I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
