I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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