GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
