So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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