dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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