Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
