come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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