When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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