Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
