it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Let's paint friendship bongs
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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