theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
