Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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