sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize