He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
