so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
