Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
