Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
