I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
