Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
