i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
