yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
