You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize