i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
