tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
