I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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