Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
