i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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