Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Randomize
