I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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