dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
