I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Don't tell me you're on acid again
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
